She is always with me ~ a whisper in my heart
Reader Post As Received: There are so many things I would want you to say to my mom, but just tell her I love her and pray she is at peace. She was hit by a car 3 years ago this March.
I miss her more than I could ever say. She was a young mom, and at times more like my sister or best friend, but always my mom. You seem to be such a strong beautiful soul, I try to live each day like you do, especially after losing my mom so suddenly, but I need reminders..those little whispers that show up saying chin up, do better today. Thank you for your “whisper”. JD
Thank you JD we are never ready for the loss of those we love especially at a young age. Sending you prayers.
Nature releases memories
“In solitude we give passionate attention to our lives, to our memories, to the details around us.” ~Virginia Woolf
The first snow of winter and I want to go out and do my morning run yet I just can’t find the strength today. I get up and try the treadmill, I never really understood how people would decide to stay inside and use a treadmill when there was so much movement and change going on outside. As I do a slow run and watch the snow fall I wonder if this is the last time I will see the first snow of the season. Then like a visit from a ghost my memories flood my mind.
The ones which seem to haunt us over time. The times our children wanted us to stay home from work on that first snow day and just have fun. Instead we convinced ourselves as responsible adults work was more important. Looking back now and wishing I had realized those days were probably less than 20 in their lifetime, I wish I would have stayed home. Then are the memories of anger and frustration over the mess and people not picking up and not listening. I think about it now and wish somehow I would have listened to my wife Laura instead of my sarcastic remarks.
Memories can hold laughter and joy and then there are those which can also haunt us and remind us of moments not invested, words said or words we wished we had said. They linger with us and if we are lucky enough they visit us early in life and we adapt and change so that we can minimize the haunted memories. For me I think the visit came because I know my time is limited. However, I will witness them and learn from them so that I can make the most of the time I have left. So this mornings run on the treadmill was something I needed to not be distracted and to witness my own life rather than everything else going on around me.
Light in the darkness
Reader Post as Received: I had a near death experience and was on the other side for just a short time. In the place where my body lay, and my husband crying and trying to do CPR I saw an angel, perhaps it was Jesus, for He gave me a choice to stay or to come with Him. The light behind and coming from this being was so bright I could only see the outline of the white robe and gold sash across His chest. But as I touched his hand I understood why everything that was happening happened, and that my baby 1 year old daughter would need me, and if I chose to go, what would happen to her. I simply decided my baby would need me more, and I went around the being and into the light and awoke in my body in horrible pain. I remembered the angel or Jesus, and that my daughter needed me desperately, but I was not allowed to know why. that I did not remember. In our human bodies the knowledge of this world is too heavy a burden. As spirits or souls Jesus can heal us and we remember every word spoken, every thought, feeling we have ever felt as a human being.
I don’t know what souls or spirits do experience, but I believe they are sometimes with us, and if they are not present that the messages we want to give them are passed on to them. I am a Christian and believe in Jesus. He has sent angels to watch over me, for spirits of the dead have visited me and spoken and only I have heard them. Souls that have unfinished business or perhaps don’t know they are dead. Some may not be saved and may be stuck like this until Judgement day. I don’t know. But I am protected now and I hear only the souls my angels let in. It was a very scary time there for awhile. But I pray and I know the people that I love on the other side get every message I have sent. God Bless you. It doesn’t hurt to die, it hurts to live, and that is why it is so hard to say goodbye. We fight with our last breath, we want to stay with those we love. AH
Faith shines a light on the darkness that is doubt
“Doubt makes the mountain which faith can move” ~ Proverb
I have a tendency to avoid sleep lately. It as though every moment spent in sleep is that much time less living, witnessing, being. There in the twilight hours somewhere between exhaustion and the dream state anything and everything somehow seem possible.
I think about the quote and realize doubt is very much a part of our existence. Too often though we let it gets the best of us. We give into the voice questioning us when we fall, making us doubt our ability to stand to persevere. Yet, if we stand back and witness our life as if for the first time we gain a whole new perspective.
If we allow our story to play out in our minds we see numerous moments where our faith, hope or whatever you want to name it pushed us beyond the doubt. Those moments we did what at once had seemed impossible. Those occasions where regardless of the hand we were dealt we came out ahead.
Life has many paths, we each travel our own and no two journeys are the same. However, for each of us we have the ability to witness our life from the outside in. To see our successes and our wins and to remind ourselves we are not letting doubt put limits on our life. We are strong courageous and powerful.
For me I realize my life isn’t ending the way I imagined or when I imagined, yet it has had some incredible moments. I have had more love in my life than many have who live to be 100. I am blessed and my faith is what lifts me up when my doubt tries to push me down.
Love the moments
Reader Post as Received: I am a 65 yr old grandmother who has been thru a lot in the last 5 yrs. First I lost my only sibling, my sister, Jan, (64) in Dec. 2008. In 0ct. 2009 we lost our only biological daughter, Jamie, (35). Then in 2011, I lost my Dad, (89). Then the only person who knew how I felt about loosing our angel Jamie, her daddy, Richard, died in May 2012.
I have been through much pain & sorrow in such a short time that some of those days have been hard to put one foot in front of the other. Only by the Grace of God, much Prayer & help from my cousin & friends have I been able to cope. Tell all my loved ones I miss them. Tell Jamie I love her with every breath I take & know she is in the heavenly choir, while my mother is whistling every note. Thanks KS
It is hard to imagine this type of amount of loss so close together. Our prayers are with you this holiday season.
Stepping back provides a clear view
There is a quote, not sure I remember it exactly, however, it was something like “An arrow must be pulled back in order to propel itself forward” ~ unknown
In life sometimes we need to take a step back and look at our life. There in the middle of our busy lives we seem to easily see what we too often feel as others shortcomings. However, if we are willing to step back and observe people, ourselves, our actions, our words and what motivates all of it there is so much to be learned.
Have you ever been taken by surprise by something in your life, unsure how something could have happened around you which you somehow seemed totally oblivious to? Then years later after all the pieces have had a chance to reveal themselves you realize it was all so obvious.
Life gives us clues, yet sometimes we don’t see them because we are too close and yet other times because we don’t want to. Seldom if we are living our lives on purpose will we be totally taken by surprise. Instead, we will witness ourselves and adjust our thoughts and behaviors to be in alignment with the life we want to live.
I find now, as I realize there are less days left to live than those already lived, the desire to learn from where I have been in order to make the most of what I have yet to experience. Never be afraid to witness your own life, to learn from your own struggles and victories.
Time slips away
Reader Post As Received:
Jake, Bless you and what you are doing for all of us.
Over 2 years ago, I lost my Dad after only 8 weeks of knowing he was terminally sick. The Drs never told us or him as far as we know that he was going to die. Every day I watched this man whom I always thought was so strong become so weak and all I wanted to do was make him better. The Dr. told me he was dying when I went to beg for some help for his pain. He explained to me just how bad they all knew the cancer was. I was given the “message” to tell him he was dying and was also told it was up to me to make the decision on whether it was time for Hospice.
I found the strength I didn’t know I had and I did what I knew I had to do, but I could not make the decision on whether it was time for him to die. We spoke of the choices that were in front of him. It was decided that we would go to the hospital and let them make the call on what was to be done next.
He was in Hospice about 2 weeks before we lost him. During this time we had his will done and had the chance to say good bye. The morning of his death, the song “Love you though it” was released and played on Good morning America. My stepmother and I were in the room with him and knew this was a sign. We did love him through it!
The Drs were so wrong with how they handled things. They kept pushing more treatments and they knew it was not going to help him. I feel they took away his decision of how he wanted to spend his last weeks and days. This is something I am still so angry about. I spoke to a few attorneys about how things were handled because I wanted to make sure I could help someone else not to go through the same thing. Although they each agree it was not handled ethically, but there wasn’t enough evidence to have a successful case against them or the hospital.
I would love to know if he did know he was dying. Did he go through all of that pain for us? We pushed him to get up, to go to appointments and it haunts me everyday to think that I put him through this when he was truly not going to get better but worse. He was such a giving person and I will treasure the time I had with him. He is my hero and always will be. It will give me peace and allow me to start my forgiveness to these Drs if I knew if they had shared this information with him and he chose not to share it with us. This would be something he would have done…
Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share this with you. From what I have read from your posts your family and friends are truly blessed to have you in their lives and even when you are not of this world, you will be forever in the hearts of many. Thank you for your strength to be able to help all of us deal with our losses.